Defiance, Holes in the Walls, Failing Grades – What’s Up with That?

Kathleen Benckendorf, MS

Attachment and Integration Methods, Inc.

web site:


Parenting two biological children did not prepare Kathleen and her husband Ric for the challenges involved in domestically adopting a sibling group of four back in 1999. What really surprised them both, however, was that many in the community of professionals they frequently consulted did not have effective answers, either. This led Kathleen on a relentless search for answers, and a passion to share what she has learned with other families.

A national speaker on attachment, trauma, and therapeutic parenting, Kathleen has completed training by the Beyond Consequences Institute, the Center for Victory, the Post Institute, the Sidran Institute (Risking Connection ®), and the HANDLE Institute. She serves on the board of the Attachment and Trauma Network (ATN).and as a moderator of the online forum at the Attachment Disorder Support Group (

Kathleen is an Integrated Healing practitioner and has completed coursework in Rhythmic Movement Training (RMT) Brain Integration Technique (BIT) and Touch for Health.

Focus Areas:


Level of Learning:


Learning Objectives:

1.            List five common categories of items that may trigger undesirable behavior.

2.            For a specific problem behavior, identify the situation(s) where it is likely to occur, common triggers for the behavior, and skills the child is lacking.

3.            For the same behavior, identify how the behavior triggers you.

Description:  You know that consequences don’t work. You know that it’s fear and shame beneath the behaviors that are driving you crazy, but it’s hard to SEE that when your child or teen is pushing the button for your last nerve. Come join us in this interactive session for some hands-on practice looking underneath – and finding ways to connect in spite of the behaviors.

Presentation will focus on interactive discussions and role-plays with and between audience members. Presenter will introduce self, give background. Guidelines will be provided; presenter will discuss the handout, provide a few examples, then draw in the audience for participation, including analysis and role-playing.

Presentation assumes some familiarity with relationship based parenting techniques (as opposed to control based techniques).